‘ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN’

ACT 1

(Enter MATT) (Older members enter first)

MATT Come on, this must be it (Enter Becky H & Harriet, followed by James & Sebastian)

BECKY H WOW!! LOOK AT THAT! Now, that’s what I CALL a THEATRE!

JAMES Well what ELSE would you call it?

BECKY H Is it REALLY ours?

DAN Apparently so! The old Operatic Society owned it for years, they folded and left it to us

DEVON I DON’T believe it – (looking around at everything in wonder) Look at this! – Look at THAT! Look at THIS!

BECCA S Where’s those young ‘uns, they’re NEVER here when you want them

DEVON They won’t be far – Come on – Let’s go and explore

(door opens and enter Younger Girls & Boys excited & enthusiastic – not Sharna, Megan, JJ or Alex R)

ALL Gr 1 (adlib) WOW! Look at THAT! Cor! Hey! Look at this! This is going to be great………

(enter Grp 2 Girls & Boys – looking pretty horrified at the sight of the old theatre)

GABBIE Oh………………my………….. (teenage attitude)

HANNAH (interrupting) It’s ANCIENT! (teenage attitude)

LAUREN M It SMELLS! (teenage attitude)

GABBIE It’s…….like…………

HANNAH SO…….

LAUREN M UNCOOL!

EMILY We’ll NEVER put on a show here (teenage attitude)

HANNAH Well! Not the sort of shows WE want to put on – it’s all too………..

ALL GRP 2 GIRLS (look at each other) YUK!

SONG & DANCE: TEAM WORK (from Chitty Chitty the Musical)

(Younger Girls & Boys leave at the end of the song chatting excitedly.Group 2 Girls & Boys go off except some older ones - Hannah, Gabbie, Lauren, Emily, Dan, James & Sebastian, Matt, Becky & Harriet)

MATT (to Hannah, Gabbie, Lauren & Emily) You lot ALWAYS come round in the end (the rest giggle)

BECKY H This place must have been AMAZING in its day. Oh, I just LOVE those OLD musicals – you know, the ones set in ‘the olden days

HARRIET Victorian Times you mean?

BECKY H Yes, that’s it

SEBASTIAN You WOULD!

BECKY H I wonder what it was like in those days, you know, all those lovely old shows. SUCH an atmosphere, you can almost SMELL it! SO many interesting characters…………..can’t you just FEEL them….all around you? LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE…………

GABBIE OLIVER!……………

HANNAH Hey, do you think this place is……………HAUNTED? (Music: Phantom of the Opera)

LAUREN Oh for goodness sake, STOP being so DRAMATIC!

BECKY H Come on, let’s go and explore – Oh I’m SO excited (They all go off)

SONG: ONE VOICE (Behind Scrim)

(Scrim stays down at the end of the song Miss Hannigan and Devon stay in place, rest of Principals go off, Orphan Girls take up their positions)

In front of Scrim - Enter Hannah, Lauren, Gabbie & Emily looking scared)

GABBIE Did?…….. you?......................hear…………….something??..............v….voices? (Phantom)

EMILY Voices?........... I don’t think I like it here………

MISS H (at the top of her voice & angry) LITTLE GIRLS!! LITTLE GIRLS!! Oh how I HATE little GIRLS!

(Hannah, Lauren, Gabbie and Emily run off. As they do so SCRIM UP & Orphan Girls are busy cleaning – ‘ANNIE’ scene)

MAYA(LOUD cry!) Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!!

MISS H What’s the matter wiv you, you ‘orrible little girl

MAYA Nuffink Miss ‘annigan

MISS H GOOD!.......................and (looking at all the girls)

GIRLS WE LOVE YOU MISS ‘ANNIGAN!

MISS H And so you jolly well should after all I do for you (girls pull faces and look puzzled)

(looking down at Maya) and what about you?

(Maya looks up at her, pokes her tongue out and then stamps on her foot)

MISS H (to her sister) GIT AFTER ‘ER, THE LITTLE GUTTERSNIPE! WHO DOES SHE FINK SHE IS? I’LL………………….(Miss H tries to grab her but she runs away. There is complete uproar as Devon chases after Maya while the girls shout encouragement at her to get away and they finally hide Maya behind them)

MAYA (peeping out from under Devon’s skirts) OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!

DEVON (pulling Maya out) Oh, leave ‘em be (Devon & Becca go off)

SHARNA Don’t cry, they won’t REALLY ‘urt ya.

MAYA I WANT MY MUMMY!!

EMMA ‘ow long d’ya reckon we bin ‘ere Annie

SHARNA DUNNO! (looking at the others)

KATIE CAN’T REMEMBER

HEATHER FOREVER!

EMMA Where’s YOUR mum and dad then? (Scrim down)

SHARNA DUNNO!

ELLEN CAN’T REMEMBER

EMMA I AIN’T GOT NONE

HEATHER None of us ‘ave!

MAYA OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY GOODNESS

SONG: MAYBE & BALLET (Behind Scrim)

SHARNA ‘Ere wake up you lot! Someone’s coming! SCARPER EVERYONE!

(They all scatter into the wings SR. Enter Matt & Dan SL, followed by James and Sebastian)

MATT This place is ENORMOUS! It’s like a rabbit warren backstage, no wonder we haven’t seen the girls for ages

JAMES Perhaps the Ph…..Ph….Ph….Phantom’s got them! (Music: Phantom of the Opera)

(Lights go out – loud scream from the wings – Lights on again)

SEBASTIAN Sounds like you could be right (Enter Hannah & Lauren)

HANNAH What happened there? – (into the wings) Come on you two, don’t be so stupid. (Enter Gabbie and Emily) – I was only pulling your leg when I said about this place being haunted

LAUREN Hey! Have you seen all those dressing rooms backstage, they got those little lights all around the mirrors........SO COOL!

HANNAH And did you see that scenery workshop?

LAUREN And costume and props galore! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!

MATT (giggling) YOU sound like that little girl – you know the one I mean? From Annie!! ( all giggle)

LAUREN DO I? ……………..Oh yes!.........(laughing at herself) I suppose I do!

GABBIE So……do you reckon this place IS haunted then?

SEBASTIAN Oh don’t be so stupid! Of COURSE it isn’t haunted! There’s no such thing as ghosts – OR phantoms! (Music: Phantom)

MATT I wonder what sort of people used to come and watch shows here when this place was first built?

DAN Well THAT’S a pretty simple one to answer

ALL Woo….oooo!

MATT Ok, then, Mr Knowledge bumps, who WAS it?

DAN Without question, I would say it was the likes of Benjamin Disraeli………….Queen Victoria…….AND, of course, her Prime Minister………..

GABBIE Who WAS?.........

DAN William Gladstone

GABBIE YOU ought to go on Millionaire

EMILY Yeh…..you’d win us a FORTUNE!

HANNAH Just imagine……………Queen Victoria…………all those wonderful Victorian costumes………

LAUREN WHAT? Like they had in OLIVER you mean? I don’t THINK so!

DAN Two COMPLETELY opposite ends of Victorian life…………..and NEVER THE TWAIN SHALL MEET!(Everyone looks completely puzzled and hasn’t a clue what he is talking about.)

MATT Come on you lot, we need to find the others, I’m getting hungry

(Lights go up behind scrim on static London Street Scene with groups of rag-a-muffins, some selling

wares flowers etc and others sitting and standing around in groups, others about to run around etc.

A disembodied voice is heard. Urchins look about, wondering where the voice is coming from)

VOICE The year is 1870. After several years in mourning, Queen Victoria decides to see how her people live. Incognito and attended only by her Prime Minister, Mr Gladstone, she strolls through the streets of London

(When the voice stops, the urchins start going about their business. Victoria and Gladstone enter and stand to one side, looking at the group of street urchins)

GLADSTONE Your majesty, we should go no further. There may be danger in such crowds.

VICTORIA No more of “Your Majesty”, Mr Gladstone. We wish to remain anonymous. Whilst we are here, a simple “ma’am” will suffice!

GLADSTONE Very well, your maj..... That is, ma’am.

ALEX R (Spotting the older couple and in posh accent) I say chaps, tourists about... On your worst behaviour….NOW! (He changes to a London accent) Cor lumey, me old china’s, ‘ows about a copper or two for a beano down the caff?

GLADSTONE I’m afraid we carry no coinage. Not the done thing, don’t you know!

ALEX R Flippin’ ‘eck, wot yer doin’ ‘ere then?

GLADSTONE The Qu... That is, my companion and I are here to see how life in the city is improving for the people.

ALEX R Ow life is improvin’?

JOSH G You fink life is improvin’ then?

VICTORIA Isn’t it?

(As the urchins ask the following questions of the pair, they are accompanied by a piano softly playing ‘Streets of London’)

ALEX R ‘Ave YOU seen the old man in the closed down market, Kicking up the papers wiv ‘is worn out shoes?

VICTORIA (Shaking her head) No!

JOSH G ‘Ave yer seen the old gal who roams the streets of London, dirt in ‘er ‘air and ‘er cloves in rags?

GLADSTONE I’m afraid not!

ALEX R Well, ‘ave yer seen the old man outside the seaman’s mission, memory fading wiv the medals wot ‘e wears.

VICTORIA Sorry.... No! ( Music stops abruptly)

ALEX R ‘ELLS BELLS MISSUS! You ain’t seen NUFFINK ‘ave yer!

VICTORIA We are NOT amused!... Anyway, we are here to help you young people.

JOSH G We don’ need no ‘elp. lady. We’re doin’ fine ‘as we are, we be!

GLADSTONE Be you?... I mean, ARE you indeed! Wouldn’t you be better off in school?

ALEX R Don’t be daft, mister! We’d lose a fortune in school!!!... ‘Sides, carn’t afford it, can we?

GLADSTONE How old are you, young man?

ALEX R Twelve, mister.

TOM He would ‘ave bin firteen but ‘e was sick for a year!

GLADSTONE Well there you are then, school is free for you youngsters. My... I mean THE government provides it.

JOSH G Don’t want none of that. Wot good’s ‘riting and ‘rithmatic. Don’t buy no bread, do it?

TOM Nor ale!

VICTORIA (To Gladstone) They DO have a point, you know. (To urchins) Never the less you would be better off learning to read and write... If only to do the football pools!!

(Enter Disraeli. He recognises Gladstone but not the Queen)

DISRAELI Gladstone, old boy, fancy seeing you here.

ALEX R ‘Ere, if ‘e’s Gladstone, SHE must be ‘is old bag we’ear so much about!

VICTORIA WHAT a WIT! Dizzy, my old friend... how ARE you?!

DISRAELI (At last recognising her) Your majesty!... PLEASE…….. forgive me.

ALEX R Reverting to a posh accent) Good Heavens!... It IS the Queen!!

JOSH G We wouldn’t have been half so rude if we had known it was you, your majesty!

GLADSTONE Your speech has improved very quickly.

JOSH G Oh that... We only put that on for visitors... It helps us earn a crust, you know!

TOM PLEASE don’t give us away.

VICTORIA Of course not. It’s the most fun I’ve had since dear Albert left me. (Gives a little sob) But wait, there’s someone else coming.(Enter Devon as school mistress with cane. The urchins all cower down)

DEVON (To urchins) Right, you lot, it’s time to start ed..ja.cating you. Off to the schoolhouse…NOW!

ALEX R (In London accent) Not likely, missus! Cum on, lads, last one up the Frog’s a sissy!!

VICTORIA The ‘FROG’?

GLADSTONE Cockney rhyming slang, ma’am. Frog and Toad... Road.

ALEX R Not this one mate... This is the Frog and Pond... Our local!! Cheerio!

(The urchins run off pursued by the school mistress as again the disembodied voice is heard causing the adults to react as the urchins did originally)

VOICE And so….Queen Victoria and her companions are taught a valuable lesson.

DISRAELI And that is?

VOICE He who learns to run away, avoids the school for another day.

VICTORIA We are DEFINITELY not amused!

GLADSTONE (Indicates audience) NO! But I hope THAT lot were!! (They go off and Scrim comes down as Oliver enters. Nancy and the rest of those in I’d Do Anything take up positions towards the end of the song – ‘OLIVER’ scene)

SONG: WHERE IS LOVE

(Lights up and action towards the end of the song, Nancy walks forward as Scrim comes up)

NANCY ‘Ere you all right Oliver, you ain’t been dreamin’ again ‘ave ya?

TOM ‘E’s ALWAYS dreamin’ ‘e is!

JOSH G Dreamin’ o’ makin’ ‘is fortune and livin’ in a posh ‘ouse

ALEX R Yeh, well we could all do wiv livin’ THAT dream, but it ain’t never gonna ‘appen, that’s fer sure!

NANCY Take no notice Oliver, they don’t know no different. Dreamin’ about ya mam again was ya?(Oliver nods)

NANCY Oh Oliver, you’ll find someone, some day, I know ya will………..but in the meantime,

I’m afraid you’ll just ‘ave to put up wiv ‘us lot

SONG& DANCE: I’D DO ANYTHING

(Scrim down)

ALEX R ‘Ere……..it’s the old Bill everyone………….’op it (They all run in all directions gathering their belongings)

(Enter Becca S and Devon)

BECCA S Where are the others? I thought they said we were going to talk about some songs for the show?

DEVON Oh, they’ll be around somewhere. It’s easy to lose people in this place

Hey! Do you reckon this place is haunted?

BECCA S Don’t be so ridiculous, do you know I really lose patience with your dramatic side sometimes………………………….So, what songs do you fancy doing in the show?

DEVON My favourite!

BECCA S Oh? What’s that then?

DEVON Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!

BECCA S CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG? Oh for goodness sake! GROW UP!

DEVON WHAT? I just LOVE it, I watch it EVERY Christmas, do you reckon it’s ever been done on THIS stage

BECCA S I wouldn’t have thought so, it’s not been around THAT long. Come on, we’re wasting time. Let’s go and find the others, they may have had some ideas about the show by now

(Scrim up on intro to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang)

JEMIMA Daddy? You are SO clever. Have you REALLY built a flying car?

POTTS YOU’ll have to wait and see

JEMIMA Daddy? You know that lady we bumped into the other day?

POTTS Miss Scrumptious?

JEMIMA Yes!

JEREMY AND JEMIMA We LIKE her! (Enter Truly and Group 1 – playing with beach balls)

JEMIMA LOOK! There she is!

ALEX S (Alex going over to her, he takes her hand and sits her on the rock, the children gather round)

Miss Scrumptious………….I………..I…………..I think the children have something to say to you

SONG: TRULY SCRUMPTIOUS

TRULY Come along now children, it’s time we were going home

CHILDREN (ad lib) Awww!!........Oh do we HAVE to………Ok, Truly………I’m tired anyway……..thank you for a nice day (The Group 1 go off. Jeremy and Jemima settle down in the corner to sleep)

TRULY And I suppose YOU are off home and back to your inventions?

POTTS Well, that WAS the plan but it looks like these two have other ideas

(Jeremy and Jemima are asleep)

SONG: HUSHABY MOUNTAIN

(Potts and Truly pick up Jeremy and Jemima and start to carry them off)

JEREMY Where’s Grandpa?

POTTS Probably off on one of his adventures – hush now, go back to sleep, I’m sure you’ll see him later (They go off. Enter Grandpa P. O. S. H)

(Enter Bathing Belles and gents)

SONG: P.O.S.H

P.O.S.H I’ll see YOU later………

SONG & DANCE: CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG

(Scrim down)

(Enter Becky H, Harriet, James & Sebastian)

BECKY H This place is AMAZING and to think……….IT’S ALL OURS. I can’t WAIT to put on a show here. (She gets all dramatic) The SMELL of the greasepaint……..the ROAR of the crowd….(she starts bowing and curtseying to the audience) Thank you………..oh THANK you……I just LOVE you all…………

HARRIET You ARE silly!

BECKY H THANKS!!

JAMES What do you think OUR first show will be then?

HARRIET Don’t know, variety show maybe?

BECKY H Oh yes! Then we can all choose some songs from our favourite shows. What shows do you think that other group used to do here? You know, the ones that owned this place before

SEBASTIAN The OPERATIC society? Don’t know, the old fashioned ones I reckon………My Fair Lady? Me & My Girl?.............

BECKY H Never heard of them! What about Mary Poppins?

SEBASTIAN I think that’s probably a bit too new for them

BECKY H Hey! I know, we could do some of the real new ones, you know, High School Musical and stuff?

(Cue: Music intro to Get me to the Church on Time)

HARRIET Where’s that music coming from?

BECKY H I KNEW this place was haunted

JAMES RUBBISH! Come on, last one there’s a sissy!

(Lights up behind Scrim)

SONG & DANCE: GET ME TO THE CHURCH ON TIME

MATT SO, Doolittle me ‘ol mate, ya really are gonna make an ‘onest woman of ‘er then

ALEX S Yeh………..looks like it

MATT Better spruce ya up a bit then ‘adn’t we? Can’t ‘ave ya getting’ married lookin’ like A dustman

(Adam R goes off to get Alex’s Pearly waistcoat, cap & neckerchief)

ALEX S But I AM a dustman!

MATT I know that!

DAN YOU know that!

ADAM R We ALL know that, but ya don’t ‘ave to LOOK like one, that’s what we’re sayin’!